I have been in a blog rut, lately...even a life rut. I am still me. Still doing all of the day in and day out items that need to be checked off of the list, but inside I am questioning. It is strange, because these are the same questions I was asking myself when I turned 30.
At that time, I was really struggling with the fact that I am not the person I imagined I would become when I was younger. I won't bore you with all the details of who I wished to become, but the point is -- I'm not that person, but I still want to be. A few years ago, I just tried to come to terms that "I am who I am" (didn't Popeye say that???). But, deep down, it is still bothering me. I guess I am just feeling inadequate. No, I am not comparing myself to others, just the person in my mind.
Anyway...All of these thoughts are going through my head and I go to the General Relief Society Meeting for our church. I love these meetings! I always come away feeling refreshed and renewed and good about myself. Not this time.
This time I felt overwhelmed. I was depressed to think that I just wasn't doing enough. Even if I was doing it, I was supposed to be the best at it. *sigh*
After pondering all of this for the past couple of weeks, my depressed feeling has lifted (at least, a little). I am realizing that the woman that Sister Beck described in her talk is exactly the person I want to become. I need to become that woman, for myself and for my family. I am thankful that Sis. Beck is led by the Spirit and I feel she is inspired in our behalf, as a Relief Society. Her talk was a call to arms.
"Within the plan of the Lord there are specific things Latter-day Saint women must do because they are daughters of God, chosen to come to the earth at a time which has been called "a very difficult season in the history of the world."
"We learn what He would have us learn, we do what He would have us do, and we become what He would have us become."
I can become what the Savior would have me become. It might be taking me longer than I thought it would to get there, but I can get there.
Sorry this was so serious! I promise to be back later with something much more lighthearted!
I've talked with so many friends (and including myself)who are having similar feelings...take heart that you're not alone. Hugs to you my friend! We'll all become better together!
ReplyDeleteOk, so first of all don't be so hard on yourself. You have a tendency to do that...so STOP. Yes, you are right. There is much expected of us because of our place in the gospel. We have a great knowledge and and great responsibility. We have to remember that we are all at different levels. We all started the path at different times and we run at different paces. It comes little by little and we will just get a little bit better every day. I love a talk from Elder Holland at last year's conference when he sweetly says, "Can't we just be a little bit better. Can't we just work a little bit harder." That's it. We don't have to pick up running today and then tomorrow be ready for a marathon.
ReplyDeleteI know that person you wanted to be and to be perfectly honest I'm glad you aren't her. I know her and I like you better! You are real.
I know what you mean and I agree with the conclusion that you came to. I wanted to get up in the middle of her talk and start cleaning my house. After letting it all sink in a for a little while I know that those are all such worthy goals and her job was to keep us moving in the right direction. The prophet gets specific about having FHE every Monday, reading scriptures, saying prayers, eating together (or was the PRes Hansen??). Anyway- so why shouldn't the General RS PRes give us some specific goals as well? April, you are someone that so many people look up to. You are a a wonderful person, a great friend, and SUCH a GREAT mom! You are already on the right track. Now we just need to keep doing what Elder Oaks said and do the "BEST" things. Figuring out what that is is another matter, lol. You're a gem and I'm blessed to know you.
ReplyDeleteGirlfriend,
ReplyDeleteYou know I love your guts. Quit being so hard on yourself. There are many days I go to church or when I am with other people and I try to imagine how April would handle the situation and what you would do to make others feel so loved. That is a special gift that you have and not too many others have it. You are a very special friend and I just love ya!
You all are going to make me cry! (that's actually pretty easy to do) :) Anyway, I love you all. I didn't mean for this post to get you all complimenting me. So, thank you.
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